A laid-back Diwali

Flights make me dizzy, pray harder, cuss a bit and more, but here I’m, ready to take a flight to Delhi. At present, we are at the airport. And I’m happy to see so many shopping outlets at the Mumbai airport. I could easily kill two hours at these stores, but today, I plan to skip these entirely. We are situated near our gates. And ten minutes into entering this space, our food bag is wide open. The kids eat some roasted Makhanas and I snack on my roti-achar. I try to see the travellers around me and guess who is taking which flight. After an hour, I kind of guess who’s flying to Delhi with me. A guy who is wearing a nice pair of sunglasses, a family of two couples and kids, and some more people. Ours is a connecting flight, so of course, not all will get down in Delhi. I do pity those people for their long travel hours. 

The sun is out and about. We sit near a coffee bar, and I see different folks using the chairs and tables but hardly ordering anything at the bar. There is an infant around, but I can only hear his cry. My son is now showing off his Rubic’s Cube skills. I’m amazed by this family of seven. Looks like two sisters are travelling together with their kids. I LOVE how one of the sisters is conversing with the kids. The kids are partly bored but patient enough to talk to her. It’s so important to enjoy this pause. And perhaps that’s the only reason I sometimes wonder to take my kids on long journeys and show them how to enjoy these pauses we get now and then. To breathe, to look out of the window, to just stare and perhaps read a book. We can’t be always doing something, be it playing games, sharing heavy information, or solving some problem. We still can keep it light.

I have checked my busy bag that I got for my two kids some odd five times. And re-packed everything as our gate calls started off. It was an utterly smooth ride to Delhi. The flight we sat on was an international flight, though our journey was from Mumbai to Delhi only. And hence, we got to explore some maps from our seats and some down- and front-views from our plane.

We are soon united with my father-in-law, and the kids are overjoyed. There is some Roohafza that he got in a bottle. Such a refreshing drink. And in less than 80 minutes, we are home in Rohtak. Thanks to all new roads that have come up recently. 

Winter hasn’t kicked in yet, but this mixed weather can really confuse you. I did miss doing a proper Diwali pooja in my Mumbai home, as I very well know where all the Pooja stuff is kept. In my MIL’s place, it’s nice but I kind of make-do with what we have in hand. But Diwali is truly the time to be with his parents. It feels complete. Shows me what matters the most. Not the decorations or Instagram-worthy home corners but a feeling of togetherness.

The pollution on the next day of Diwali sometimes makes us cuss for the fact that we are out of Mumbai, but the feeling settles down soon. We try to catch up on reading and sleeping early here. It’s also nice to dry your clothes in sun on ropes lined up on huge verandahs. Something that I don’t even dream of in Mumbai.

I like looking at the way people garden here. Mint is everybody’s favourite. Rose is next. Curry leaves. Some people also keep little boxes near their gates to store grains for the birds. Some people are fond of fragrant flowers like Madhu Malti, Raat ki Rani, Harsingar Parijat (night-flowering jasmine). People also like to grow bougainvillea. I also love those white and red brick houses. It just adds to the whole countryside view. 

Rohtak is also a birds’ paradise. I see bulbuls, babblers, sparrows, parrots, robins, kingfishers, bee eaters, mynas, drongos and a few other beautiful birds around in gardens and kitchen windows. Once, I happened to spot a pied kingfisher. Didn’t know such monochrome-coloured kingfishers existed too. From the house terrace, the sound of the chattering of parrots is a constant.

When working in the kitchen or sitting in the corridor, I hear various announcement-making vehicles crossing by. Some sell veggies, some buy scrap materials. Some fix khaats (a locally made bed that can be assembled and dismantled in seconds). Around evening time, you’ll see women going to get milk in huge steel cans. It’s kind of an exercise for them and they thoroughly enjoy chatting around.

During winters, you’ll see men and women selling kacharis on their carts around the city. Which is why, it makes entry in our chutneys in the mornings.

The greenery, women sweeping leaves in parks, laid-back schedules, birds chirping around dense trees, the crushing sound of the leaves, ant colonies, droplets of water on grass that you find in the mornings, flowers laid on the roads—every sign of winter in nature is a beautiful revelation.

How motherhood changed my relationship with food 

The last three times I made Dal I realised a problem. It was too bland, and the more I tried to play around with the flavours, I could not understand why it still lacked colour. Food was meant to be served. Edible food. Something that was homemade and served on time. Who cares for that dal tadka I craved?

Now, it’s a good run to get the right kind of flavours even with my favourite dishes. The game of ingredients over likings, and daily menu chaos over fancies for world cuisine took over my life in no time. And I taunted my mother how she has changed as a cook. She would laugh at it (like she does over all my weird taunts). Can I laugh on what has happened to me now? But, I know how to nail a good salad in minutes. My survival techniques in the kitchen too.

There is so much I see around. Mums doing videos of what their kids are eating (I can’t, in spite of being at home all the TIME). Beautiful reels of native cooking. I can’t. Why would be a good question. Why, do I find hitting on the sofa with nothing more to do is ever so relaxing?

I’m busy looking for creative things we (I and my kids) can do for an hour or two during the day. The actually creative process is even more tiring. But the end result? Oh. Even if we have something basic to eat, I love the painting we try to do. Or the book we try to read. Or just exploring something about the planet.

I do want to talk about food people I meet around. But even those transcribed notes get lost in notebooks I don’t remember where exactly I arranged while cleaning up the toy-laden flat of ours.

What do I want in life? Nothing much as of now. I want to start making more cookies with my kids. More cake. More cold coffee. And in-between all of this, I want to balance it with bajri or Dal khichdi. Add a dash of pancakes and laadi pavs. Make a good ‘busy bag’ for my kids and just get lost in the streets of the city or a nearby lush hilly villages in the country. That’s my sukoon. And oh. Don’t miss on those midnight sneak-outs in the kitchen. That bag of crispy corn chevda. Aha.

No more do I have the energy to watch interesting food videos. I want to look for veggies beyond aloo at the grocery store. How to hydrate my little girl? She hardly has any water during the day. That’s the topic that doing the rounds in my mind. May be a fancy straw or a coloured plastic bottle can do the trick? Who knows.

For the past four years, I have been settling in cities and then unsettling and settling again. What a storm. With two kids. Sometimes I’m focussed in the kitchen, the other times I struggle to make a basic meal. I have help, but I just want to embrace this city for now. Want to enjoy a good pause. In one place. Where there is no uncertainty. Just a mundane routine. For years or even decades.

Yes, I’m forgetting how to write (the tiny bit that I knew). I find myself anxious throughout the night. Drained before dinner times hit. But, somehow, with magic (thanks to the serious talks I have with the little people at home), I find hope. I find hope even in that school tiffin dabba with a sukhi sabzi and roti.

And here’s what I want to do. Think of ways in which we can sit and learn new words together. And how can i let my children explore this world and find beauty. Constantly. So, what if I can’t find it myself sometimes. I was never this kind of a person, but whatever. We got to find it. So, yeah. Fine dining do I crave? No. Just basic food that has been made well. Don’t get me started on my love for thandi roti and achar/pickle, a roasted slice of white bread with a homemade jam, and khari (a Parsi bakery find) with chai. And while I enjoy a meal, my kids should enjoy a good view. Hills, beaches, hammocks, you name it. Will that be part of the deal? Only then can we talk about good food!

The empty box of dreams

Every artist is not blessed to have a huge audience. Some times, even a beautiful voice can be heard in an empty train tunnel. There are artists who have no listeners or readers whatsoever. But they still go on, deeply in love with their craft. There comes a day, it might struck someone of their talent. But, it can be seldom. Followers will only make your mind happy. It won’t grow your art. Some artists have His presence in their emptiness. And you should truly seek what makes your soul happy.

A tiffin of hopes

It’s been a month in Gurgaon. We have almost settled. And now starts the tiffin conundrum in the mornings. What do I pack for him? What do I give as a snack to my child? The husband rejected the buttermilk the other day. It came back as is. And my child can eat any damn thing in his bus. So, it’s a win-win sometimes. And sometimes, I fail. Can’t seem to get my hands on the exotic dill leaves. So no Tzatziki in the kitchen yet. Also, it’s been two weeks I’m waiting for this mountain resident to send me her jams for the kids. So there’s hope. The food shopping never ends. And amidst all this, I’m terribly low looking at all the rejections from the editors. I don’t know which way to look at. Where do you see hope?

Hello, December

It so happens this week; I come close to cooking, and get away. It’s a hate-love relationship. And the mixed feelings I get when I have to bear with the kids–sometimes I feel blessed, and sometimes I wonder when time will fly. I try to take it slow with every passing day. I’m trying my best to feel gratitude, but I fail too. May be I’m too thin. May be my craft will die. May be. I’m a bad example in front of the kids. So many maybes. Discontinued my yoga class. It’s a month with two events, and given the high price, I decided to give the class a miss. Where do we go now? With no writing assignments at hand, do I see any hope? How could I get that ego boost? Guess I’m here at the right time.

First up, I’m seeking music. Jasmine Sandlas is my favourite. And watching interviews, like I always do. Love those. I try to do a few stretches in the morning, but really can’t slow down. Talking about my wonderings in the kitchen. Have this urge to bake cakes. Need to get my hands on a good bottle of olive oil. And of course, cream cheese. Also, I really don’t know where to get dill leaves (exotic ones) from here in Mumbai. It was much easier to find those in Gurgaon. I’m trying to catch up with old cousins, thanks to the wedding season. Nail art, kids’ clothing something, learning to organise bags. All consuming my mind. I started writing a letter to an unknown person (thanks to Chitti Exchange). Now, I just need to post it. Finally, I feel like writing song lyrics behind the novels I try to read. Just in case if I put off from reading, I can sing a line or two and go off to sleep.

I made Dhokla second time in the month, and messed it up again. How? The last time I didn’t add ENO in it, so it didn’t get the fluffy texture, and this time, I added less salt. Bah! It was tasteless. After speaking to my cousin, Khushboo, I tried to fix it. Boiled half a cup of water and added salt in it. Drizzled it on the dhoklas. But it just didn’t get there. But thankfully, a neighbour gave a good tip. “Stop apologising. It was yum,” her text read.

Talking about goof-ups, I made some Dal and sabzis this week. Just didn’t find any satisfaction with the taste. I almost always hate to eat what I cook myself. Also, the husband has started eating this oatmeal, and it takes forever to cook! Still learning to cook it well.

Any wins in the kitchen? Nailed a Ragi soup (learnt it from Shalini of Early Foods). It’s just the best thing for your kid, when he or she is sick. And this quesadilla recipe that I tried (from the Terrace Kitchen) was so damn good. The husband loved it.

Christmas is round the corner. Have ordered a few books. Plan to spend some quality time with neighbours, relishing good food. And I’m dying to catch up with a few of my cousins. Hope to banish anxiety (for the time-being). It’s all about sending the right messages to the universe? May be, I need a good chat. Merry vibes come your way, dear readers. So long.

Motherhood Saga

I’m stuck. And so beautifully stuck. After my second child, life has taken a turn towards Godknowswhat. It’s just the kids, and me, the blocks, and the weird toy noises. And there’s a constant effort to put the jigsaw puzzle pieces of my marriage in place. I have tasted bitterness in a real sense. Seen days and nights when I saw no inspiration sitting in my balcony—albeit the green pots and a nice view from my high-rise apartment)—anxious as to what the future beckons. Almost lost faith in everything. Sanity. Not found. Self-love? Not found. The thought that may be, my husband doesn’t like me anymore (who would, really? I really needed HELP). With my echoing words, my endless pain I just didn’t know how to go ahead with the new changes in life. A house help who would be with me 24 hours a day. Managing him, and my rage. Such a task. And not minding my tongue in front of the in-laws. Life is always not the same. Who knew better than me. My only constant strength would be writing but sadly, that too went for a toss.

Seek love, find love

The last time music came to my help was when I was in college. Everything sucked at college. I dreamt so much, hoped to do so much—but nothing happened. It was only when I was in the pits, music rescued me. After 11 years of marriage, here I’m, finding my fingers on a harmonium and raga notes to learn. God does want me to help myself. These are downs and ups you can’t help but witness. Let it flow. Let it flow. Seek self-love. Not just by sitting with your phone. Do something about it. And then came a yoga instructor who is now helping me with my mental blockages. “Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Thank you. I love you.” Started telling this to myself. “Call me when you’re up at 3AM in the morning next time. That’s just when you need to meditate,” my beautiful yoga instructor tells me. Damn. There is God in small things. Two beautiful kids, a loving husband, and an amazingly supportive family, and I’m still trying to make sense of life. May be. May be. I can now see a flicker of light towards the end of tunnel that I’m going through.

When life gives you chillies, make a thecha! 

I like food that I haven’t really explored earlier. And it’s surprising. Some marathi flavours, and some English. Ah! Those crispy toasts, insane amounts of butter and cheese. And of course, chocolate sauce. Don’t ever underestimate that bowl of delicious chocolate mousse. Mends unbelievably. Always remember. When you have only chillies in your fridge. You can still create a delicious meal. All you need is thecha and a crispy (aka kakari) roti! That said, keep hogging on those crunchy salad bowls. You need it. Your body needs it. And keep working on that dressing, one vinegar bottle at a time.

Ciao

On the other side

2021 was a tremendous year for me. Different battles to fight. Both on the outside and the inside. And cooking went on the back burner. I imagine myself sitting with my girl, telling her how I survived the year. An unplanned pregnancy, my mother’s cancer treatment, raising a toddler with different views at home, coming face to face with my insecurities–there’s been so much on my mind. And, there is COVID-19. Can’t even begin with that one.

I came to live with my parents during my pregnancy, with my husband and my toddler. The toughest day that I can remember was the first day of getting covid. I was in my eight, and the acidity almost killed me. But then I survived. 

What I can’t get over with is the fact that my mum had to undergo so much. Mammogram, chemotherapy, hair loss, her own insecurities. I can feel what she’s going through, and it really makes me want to think, this could be it. Life is so uncertain. It can change in a second. But she survived it. And she even defeated covid in the middle of her chemotherapy. Damn. 

So, here I am, telling you how I struggled last year. And I’m not ready to look at the bright side. Anxiety only grows deeper. But here’s the magical part.

I was recently blessed with a daughter. Hell, I always dreamt that. And I have survived my ten years of marriage. How, I don’t know. Mom is getting her health back. It’s wonderful when I see her name on my phone, five times a day.

But, I don’t want to cook. Writing is easier than cooking. Those kitchen bottles bring no curiosity in me. I don’t want pasta. I just want to survive this journey of motherhood. And keep a bit of my mum’s recipes on my bedside table. And I shall be all right.

Here are a few snippets from the posts I shared on my page. I started writing these tiny posts when I was down with COVID.

That’s about it for 2021. I hope you combat 2022 with a fierce passion to bring a new ray of hope in your life. May God show mercy.

11 food commandments for the mindful you

I started cooking after marriage, and it has been almost nine years in the making. Every year, I try to cook healthier food, however, there’s a big scope of improvement here. In the coming year, that is, 2020, I want to eat healthy, not just cook healthy. That is my most-needed food commandment. Feeding the family has been a priority, but I need to take care of my diet first, as only then can I do the rest of my tasks well.

Coming to the topic, I really want to inspire you to think wisely before taking in any food trends. We are what we eat; let’s not go overboard with that ice-cream tub or those tid-bit packets. Here are some food ideas you can ponder on.

1. Drink well

Be it water, cinnamon water, apple cider vinegar water or just a shot glass of lemon water, our main source of oxygen comes from water. And I’m taking about water stored in earthen or steel tumblers, not the plastic bottles stored in the fridge. Also, you want to sit and sip your water.

2. Include raw food

Whether it is your breakfast or lunch, make sure you have some raw food in form of salad, vegetable juice, sprouts, etc, in your day diet. This will round up your overall diet with oxidants, nutrients, and fibre—all must-have to deal with your gut health.

3. Soak/Ferment before you sleep

It’s always a better idea to soak your legumes/pulses in the night to have them cook in the morning. This will act like an add-on to the goodness of your food. Furthermore, my mother always suggests me to soak nuts and dried fruits. Be it almonds, walnuts, raisins—soak ahead in time. A handful of nuts are enough for your health. Whenever I tend to have a lack of iron on some days, I have half a cup of strained jaggery water and feel more strength in my overall emotional and physical health. Before going to bed, you can set your curd too. Homemade curd, especially set in glass containers, is better for you, instead of those plastic tubs of store-made ones.

4. Mind the condiments

Herbs like mint and coriander leaves, spices like black pepper and cumin seeds, ginger, garlic, lemon and tamarind—all these things add more flavours to your food and make it healthier too. Don’t just treat them as something to garnish with. These will keep vitamin C and other nutrients in check that will help you fight infections.

5. Make junk food at home

One of the food rules I follow is to make my favourite junk food at home. Whether it is Pani Puri, noodles, pizzas, or masala Dosa, at home, I can assure the ingredients are properly washed and safe to eat. The sodium, grains, etc. can be checked at home unlike the street stalls.

6. Invest on good quality food

Be it your chocolate, dates, noodles, artisanal bread, sauces, seeds or basic, organic food—never compromise with the quality. Buy something that has no preservatives or chemicals, and that will again benefit your health when compared to commercially available food items.

7. Share your food

When you feed your helper at home and your neighbours, you are seldom left with leftovers in the fridge. And this will encourage you to eat fresh. Don’t wait for the food to go stale to distribute it. I see that some people to respect the food that they make, store every bit of it in the fridge and have it till it changes colour. And when it is not at all edible, they plan to throw it or give it to the poor. My mom highly discourages it. When you’re done eating, try to distribute the food within two-three hours, so that your next meal is freshly made.

8. Less oil, sodium, sugar!

Some people like to sprinkle black salt or normal table salt on their salads, curd dishes, and whatnot. Instead, add salt while you cook the food. Try substitutes like lemon juice or natural vinegars. Same rule goes for oil and sugar. Cook with less oil; you can add a few teaspoons of water to cook faster. Lastly, go easy on sugar. This will keep you alert and make you a mindful eater.

9. Switch grains

Relying on only wheat flour the entire week is a dull idea for sure. Explore more grains. Bring in jowar, bajra, rice varieties and more. Your piping hot and soft wheat phulkas are full of gluten, so why not go gluten-free for a day? Plus, if you eat these, your kids will start appreciating these too. For example, Bajra roti is not easy to chew, but with time, you start enjoying these hard rotis. And when your kid sees this, he or she will learn to appreciate it too.

10. Check on the pantry and fridge

My mother always says there’s no point in eating spoiled. Keep a tab on what might go bad in the next few days and consume it at the earliest, be it your veggies or flours. You can’t be keeping it for days altogether. Everything in the kitchen has an expiry date.

11. Shop local

When I visit the grocery bus in my condominium, I always end up picking more seasonal fruits and vegetables. I get ideas right there (plus some old and new recipes) and I might also feel like experimenting. Your mobile screens won’t offer you that. Finally, when I shop for my grocery, I almost always end up picking the fresh produce. When shopping online, you have no choice but to eat what gets delivered to your doorstep.